my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
