i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
