Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
