There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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