i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
