I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
