White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
