I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
