Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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