But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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