What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
