Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
