The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
