I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
sex in a hospital.. check
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
