Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
