I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
