no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
