He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Can you bring me the toilet please
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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