only you would photoshop your dick
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
