Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
