I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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