Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
