two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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