Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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