Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
