using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
