At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
