I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
