Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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