I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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