Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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