So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
