Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
