you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
