I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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