Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
