Midget sex pt 2 tonight
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
