I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I am spending my child support on dildos
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
