Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
