Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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