There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
