scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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