I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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