maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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