Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
