Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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