All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
