so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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