If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
