mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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