I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
