I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
