She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
