Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
