I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
ttyl tear gas
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
