she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
