Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
