did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
