So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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