Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
