I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
