I want you more than these girls want KFC
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize